Posts
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Thursday, August 26, 2010
LOL!!! A funny for you!! (I c/ped this from a board)
Scottie, a blonde, was down on her luck. In order to raise some money, she decided to kidnap a kid and hold him for ransom.
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Scottie -- the Blonde."
Scottie then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning Scottie, the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. Scottie opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
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A fire started in some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.
The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight toward the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames, and stopped. The volunteers jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts.
Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.
"That ought to be obvious, " he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. "The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!"
She went to the playground, grabbed a kid, took him behind a tree, and told him, "I've kidnapped you."
She then wrote a note saying, "I've kidnapped your kid. Tomorrow morning, put $10,000 in a paper bag and put it under the pecan tree next to the slide on the north side of the playground. Signed, Scottie -- the Blonde."
Scottie then pinned the note to the kid's shirt and sent him home to show it to his parents.
The next morning Scottie, the blonde checked, and sure enough, a paper bag was sitting beneath the pecan tree. Scottie opened the bag and found the $10,000 with a note that said, "How could you do this to a fellow blonde?"
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A fire started in some grasslands near a farm. The county fire department was called to put out the fire. The fire was more than the county fire department could handle. Someone suggested that a nearby volunteer bunch be called. Despite some doubt that the volunteer outfit would be of any assistance, the call was made.
The volunteers arrived in a dilapidated old fire truck. They rumbled straight toward the fire, drove right into the middle of the flames, and stopped. The volunteers jumped off the truck and frantically started spraying water in all directions. Soon they had snuffed out the center of the fire, breaking the blaze into two easily controlled parts.
Watching all this, the farmer was so impressed with the volunteer fire department's work and so grateful that his farm had been spared, that right there on the spot he presented the volunteers with a check for $1,000. A local news reporter asked the volunteer fire captain what the department planned to do with the funds.
"That ought to be obvious, " he responded, wiping ashes off his coat. "The first thing we're gonna do is get the brakes fixed on our fire truck!"
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
LOL!
and here's the link to this blog. Please leave me a comment if you get in, Betty, so I will know you made it. Cant imagine what has happened!!
Sunny
Sunny
Saturday, August 21, 2010
FW: "Inoculations"
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Guess "Lovers lane's" are history now too!
March 30, 2010 3:08 PM EDT
PACE, Fla. (AP) — A Florida Panhandle deputy was able to track down and arrest a man on charges of illegally dumping a boat near his home with a surprising tool: satellite pictures provided by Google Earth.
Deputy Gregory Barnes used the images after finding an 18-foot boat dumped in an undeveloped subdivision about 15 miles north of Pensacola.
Google Earth shows archived satellite and aerial images of communities across the world. Barnes used it to look at the surrounding area and saw a fuzzy image of the vessel at Dwight Everett Foster's home.
Authorities say Foster admitted dumping the boat and his son later removed it.
Police say it cost $18 to dispose of the boat at a landfill. Foster faces a $5,000 fine and up to five years in prison.
___
PACE, Fla. (AP) — A Florida Panhandle deputy was able to track down and arrest a man on charges of illegally dumping a boat near his home with a surprising tool: satellite pictures provided by Google Earth.
Deputy Gregory Barnes used the images after finding an 18-foot boat dumped in an undeveloped subdivision about 15 miles north of Pensacola.
Google Earth shows archived satellite and aerial images of communities across the world. Barnes used it to look at the surrounding area and saw a fuzzy image of the vessel at Dwight Everett Foster's home.
Authorities say Foster admitted dumping the boat and his son later removed it.
Police say it cost $18 to dispose of the boat at a landfill. Foster faces a $5,000 fine and up to five years in prison.
___
Friday, March 19, 2010
A True Story from a friend
It always gives me a shiver when I see a cat seeing what I can't see.
~Eleanor Farjeon
After months of pleading, my husband had finally agreed I could have a cat.
And Cody was definitely mine from day one. He was in my lap, between my feet, on the arm of my chair, on the side of my tub and even once from a miscalculated jump, in the tub with me. For twelve years he followed every step I took.
When you are that close it's amazing what you can learn about an animal that cannot talk. I learned that he loved to drink warm water that dripped from the faucet. He was a lefty. He loved to be combed but not brushed. He preferred to sit on my right side. And when he got mad at me for any reason, such as clipping his nails, he would park himself in front of me where I could clearly see him and turn his back to me ignoring any pleas for forgiveness. His favorite food was chicken. He never drank water that was not dripping or running. But he always had to have a fresh bowl of water on the right side of his food dish. He knew the word "milk" even when you spelled it and went running full speed to the refrigerator anytime it was mentioned.
He had a claustrophobic aversion to closed doors. He wanted all inside doors open at all times even though he had no desire to be on the other side of them. He dearly loved milk and ice cream together -- vanilla but not chocolate. And he could apparently tell time. On more than one occasion when our power went out, he would come to my side of the bed, lock his claws into the sheet, and "pop" the sheet until I woke up. And was the sole reason that we were never late to work.
From the very beginning we noticed something strange about his eating habits -- he never put his head in a bowl and ate from the bowl like other cats. Instead he picked up his dry food with his left paw and raked it over the edge into his water bowl, swished it around, and then fished it out and ate it off his left paw. If his bowls got mixed up and the water was on the left he would push and shove until he turned it over trying to get it where it belonged. He couldn't or wouldn't eat canned cat food because when he placed it in the water bowl, it sank to the bottom and disintegrated and he couldn't get it back out.
For twelve years it was our nightly routine to spend a half hour before bed in my bedroom recliner. I would read and my faithful friend kept me company on the right arm of my chair. He used to fall asleep there every night, at which point all four paws would dangle off the sides and his head would be hanging down over the end. Although it looked uncomfortable, for twelve years it remained our way of winding down the day. Wherever I sat, if he wasn't in my lap, he was on my right on the arm of the couch or chair I was in. We were close and we knew each other very well, which is why when he started nudging and pawing at me I couldn't help but notice behavior that was out of character for him. Cody hadn't been himself since just before Christmas and at first I attributed it to a ploy for additional attention and just passed it off.
All through December he got slower and slower. He slept more and ate less and seemed to be having difficulty getting around. In mid-January he took a turn for the worse. My friend kept urging me to "do what is best for Cody and let him die in dignity." I knew she meant well and though I tried, I could never make peace with that decision. I couldn't look in those big gold eyes and convince myself that was best for Cody. He wasn't himself but he never seemed to be in pain. He got slower and his breathing seemed labored at times, but he still followed my every step. I justified my aversion to euthanasia by thinking about how I valued the older people that were in my life. Their breathing was sometimes labored, they had slowed down, their memory wasn't what it used to be -- but they still had a purpose and a place in my life. I simply couldn't do it. And so he lived. And he continued with his strange new behavior of nudging me in one spot... for attention.
And though I did notice that it was always the same side, since he sat primarily on my right I assumed it was just convenient. However, after three months of him pushing his head up against me and just leaving it there, he began to do something else strange. He began to place his paw on that same spot and just hold it there even if he had to lock his claws into my clothes for support. Finally, one night out of sheer exasperation at carefully removing his claws from my new sweater for the fourth time, I just blurted out to my husband, "Do you suppose Cody knows something about this spot that I don't?" And that is when he looked up from the TV and said, "Isn't that the same place where you have that unusual dark spot?" I said, "Yes, as a matter of fact it is and maybe I should go and have the doctor look at it after all."
I had noticed an odd looking mole more than a year before and had been watching it for any changes; since none had occurred I had pretty much forgotten about it until now. However, I began to think back and realized that Cody had been gravitating to only this one place for the past few months, so I decided to make an appointment with a dermatologist just to be on the safe side.
I made an appointment to have that "mole" removed. Nine days later, my beloved Cody-cat died peacefully in his sleep in a little bed I'd made him in my closet while I sat quietly at his left side.
My one last gift to him -- to allow him the peace and comfort of dying in his own home with the one he loved at his side. And his one last gift to me -- a biopsy confirming malignant melanoma in the earliest possible stage, caught early only because of his persistent nudging in the last days of his life
Saturday, March 13, 2010
No Disclaimers
Gun Control
Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to
Slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said:
"Well, dummy, stop clapping!"
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My Trip to the Emergency Room, etc.
The other day I needed to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old
Army fatigues and stuck a patch onto the front of my
shirt that I had downloaded off the Internet.
When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the
people got up and left. I guess they decided that they
weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my
waiting time.
Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time
you're in need of quicker emergency service.
It also works at DMV; it saved me 5 hours.
And the Laundromat... three minutes after entering,
I had my choice of any machine, most still running.
Don't try it at McDonald's; the whole crew got up
and left and l never got my order.
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11 PEOPLE ... ON A ROPE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.
10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave,
Because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
As soon as she finished her speech, all the men started clapping . . .. . . .
PLEASE SEND THIS MAIL TO ALL INTELLIGENT WOMEN,
DISCLAIMER: Since there were no persons that were involved, living or dead, in this story, there is no need for any disclaimer!
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Barack Obama at a recent rural elementary school assembly in East Texas, asked the audience for total quiet. Then, in the silence, he started to
Slowly clap his hands once every few seconds, holding the audience in total silence.
Then he said into the microphone, 'Children, every time I clap my hands together, a child in America dies from gun violence.'
Then, little Richard Earl, with a proud East Texas drawl, pierced the quiet and said:
"Well, dummy, stop clapping!"
------------------------------------------------------------
My Trip to the Emergency Room, etc.
The other day I needed to go to the emergency room.
Not wanting to sit there for 4 hours, I put on my old
Army fatigues and stuck a patch onto the front of my
shirt that I had downloaded off the Internet.
When I went into the E.R., I noticed that 3/4 of the
people got up and left. I guess they decided that they
weren't that sick after all. Cut at least 3 hours off my
waiting time.
Here's the patch. Feel free to use it the next time
It also works at DMV; it saved me 5 hours.
And the Laundromat... three minutes after entering,
I had my choice of any machine, most still running.
Don't try it at McDonald's; the whole crew got up
and left and l never got my order.
------------------------------------------------
11 PEOPLE ... ON A ROPE
Eleven people were hanging on a rope, under a helicopter.
10 men and 1 woman.
The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave,
Because otherwise they were all going to fall.
They weren't able to choose that person, until the woman gave a very touching speech.
She said that she would voluntarily let go of the rope, because, as a woman, she was used to giving up everything for her husband and kids or for men in general, and was used to always making sacrifices with little in return.
PLEASE SEND THIS MAIL TO ALL INTELLIGENT WOMEN,
DISCLAIMER: Since there were no persons that were involved, living or dead, in this story, there is no need for any disclaimer!
--------------------------------------------------------------
I checked this out on Snopes and it’s for real!!!!
1. AVOID CUTTING YOURSELF WHEN SLICING VEGETABLES BY GETTING SOMEONE ELSE TO HOLD THE VEGETABLES WHILE YOU CHOP.
2. AVOID ARGUMENTS WITH THE FEMALES ABOUT LIFTING THE TOILET SEAT BY USING THE SINK.
3. FOR HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE SUFFERERS ~ SIMPLY CUT YOURSELF AND BLEED FOR A FEW MINUTES, THUS REDUCING THE PRESSURE ON YOUR VEINS. REMEMBER TO USE A TIMER.
4. A MOUSE TRAP PLACED ON TOP OF YOUR ALARM CLOCK WILL PREVENT YOU FROM ROLLING OVER AND GOING BACK TO SLEEP AFTER YOU HIT THE SNOOZE BUTTON.
5. IF YOU HAVE A BAD COUGH, TAKE A LARGE DOSE OF LAXATIVES. THEN YOU'LL BE AFRAID TO COUGH.
6. YOU ONLY NEED TWO TOOLS IN LIFE, WD-40 AND DUCT TAPE. IF IT DOESN'T MOVE AND SHOULD, USE THE WD-40. IF IT SHOULDN'T MOVE AND DOES, USE THE DUCT TAPE.
7. IF YOU CAN'T FIX IT WITH A HAMMER, YOU'VE GOT AN ELECTRICAL PROBLEM.
DAILY THOUGHT:
When life gives you lemons…squirt the juice in your enemy’s eyes!!!
If the world were a logical place, men would be the ones who ride horses sidesaddle!!
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Ever wonder in your relationship, how 'the fight' started...:
One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift...
The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied,
"Well, you still haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started...
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My wife and I are watching Who Wants To Be A Millionaire while we were in bed.
I turned to her and said,
'Do you want to have Sex?'
'No,' she answered.
I then said,
'Is that your final answer?'
She didn't even look at me this time, simply saying
'Yes.'
So I said,
'Then I'd like to phone a friend.'
And that's when the fight started...
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I took my wife to a restaurant.
The waiter, for some reason, took my order first.
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said,
'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started...
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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping the channels. She asked,'What's on TV?'
I said,'Dust.'
And then the fight started...
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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming anniversary..
She said,
'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to 200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...
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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school reunion, and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her,
'Do you know him?'
'Yes,'she sighed,
'He's my old boyfriend... I understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!'
I said,'Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...
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I rear-ended a car this morning... So, there we were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of his car.
You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!
He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and shouted,
'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said,
'Well, then which one are you?'
And then the fight started....
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THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER:
When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of first, the truck, the car, playing golf. Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass, busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.
I watched silently for a short time and then went into the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I handed her a toothbrush.
I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep the driveway.'
The doctors say I will walk again, but I will always have a limp.
--------------------------------------------------------------
LOL!!!
March 05, 2010 • 10:33 am
By Diana Fasanella
A Croatian man has admitted that he has not gone outside when it’s thundering for three years since lightning struck his penis.
Not your normal lightning rod
Zoran Jurkovic of Vukovar was hit by lightning on his penis while riding his bicycle near the village of Perkovici during a thunderstorm in 2007, the Croatian Times reports.
Jurkovic, who friends have nicknamed “Thunderous,” was hit by thousands of volts that melted his bike. The rubber tires saved his life, doctors said.
To get back at his friends for their teasing, Jurkovic tells them his lightning-struck penis now has extraordinary abilities. In actuality, he says he just happy it’s functioning properly.
Jurkovic lives with his mother and is not married. (What a shock)
No stealing this guy’s thunder.
Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Sobering words and thoughts
Guess our national leaders didn't expect this, hmm? On Thursday, Darrell Scott, the father of Rachel Scott, a victim of the Columbine High School shootings in Littleton , Colorado , was invited to address the House Judiciary Committee's subcommittee. What he said to our national leaders during this special session of Congress was painfully truthful.
They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:
"Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers.
"The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used.. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart.
"In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent.
I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy -- it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best. This was written way before I knew I would be speaking here today:
Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need!
"Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational
systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs -- politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts.
"As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America , and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA -- I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your
own heart before casting the first stone!
My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!"
BRING GOD BACK!!!!
They were not prepared for what he was to say, nor was it received well. It needs to be heard by every parent, every teacher, every politician, every sociologist, every psychologist, and every so-called expert! These courageous words spoken by Darrell Scott are powerful, penetrating, and deeply personal. There is no doubt that God sent this man as a voice crying in the wilderness. The following is a portion of the transcript:
"Since the dawn of creation there has been both good & evil in the hearts of men and women. We all contain the seeds of kindness or the seeds of violence. The death of my wonderful daughter, Rachel Joy Scott, and the deaths of that heroic teacher, and the other eleven children who died must not be in vain. Their blood cries out for answers.
"The first recorded act of violence was when Cain slew his brother Abel out in the field. The villain was not the club he used.. Neither was it the NCA, the National Club Association. The true killer was Cain, and the reason for the murder could only be found in Cain's heart.
"In the days that followed the Columbine tragedy, I was amazed at how quickly fingers began to be pointed at groups such as the NRA. I am not a member of the NRA. I am not a hunter. I do not even own a gun. I am not here to represent or defend the NRA - because I don't believe that they are responsible for my daughter's death. Therefore I do not believe that they need to be defended. If I believed they had anything to do with Rachel's murder I would be their strongest opponent.
I am here today to declare that Columbine was not just a tragedy -- it was a spiritual event that should be forcing us to look at where the real blame lies! Much of the blame lies here in this room. Much of the blame lies behind the pointing fingers of the accusers themselves. I wrote a poem just four nights ago that expresses my feelings best. This was written way before I knew I would be speaking here today:
Your laws ignore our deepest needs,
Your words are empty air.
You've stripped away our heritage,
You've outlawed simple prayer.
Now gunshots fill our classrooms,
And precious children die.
You seek for answers everywhere,
And ask the question "Why?"
You regulate restrictive laws,
Through legislative creed.
And yet you fail to understand,
That God is what we need!
"Men and women are three-part beings. We all consist of body, mind, and spirit. When we refuse to acknowledge a third part of our make-up, we create a void that allows evil, prejudice, and hatred to rush in and wreak havoc. Spiritual presences were present within our educational
systems for most of our nation's history. Many of our major colleges began as theological seminaries. This is a historical fact. What has happened to us as a nation? We have refused to honor God, and in so doing, we open the doors to hatred and violence. And when something as terrible as Columbine's tragedy occurs -- politicians immediately look for a scapegoat such as the NRA. They immediately seek to pass more restrictive laws that contribute to erode away our personal and private liberties. We do not need more restrictive laws. Eric and Dylan would not have been stopped by metal detectors. No amount of gun laws can stop someone who spends months planning this type of massacre. The real villain lies within our own hearts.
"As my son Craig lay under that table in the school library and saw his two friends murdered before his very eyes, he did not hesitate to pray in school. I defy any law or politician to deny him that right! I challenge every young person in America , and around the world, to realize that on April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School prayer was brought back to our schools. Do not let the many prayers offered by those students be in vain. Dare to move into the new millennium with a sacred disregard for legislation that violates your God-given right to communicate with Him. To those of you who would point your finger at the NRA -- I give to you a sincere challenge. Dare to examine your
own heart before casting the first stone!
My daughter's death will not be in vain! The young people of this country will not allow that to happen!"
BRING GOD BACK!!!!Monday, February 22, 2010
Dont screw around!!
Once upon a time, a young lad was born without a belly button. In
its place was a silver screw. All the doctors told his mother that
there was nothing they could do.
Like it or not, he was stuck with it . . . He was screwed.
The growing years were real tough, as all who saw the
screw made fun of him. He avoided leaving his house . . And
thus, never made any friends.
One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a monk
in Tibet who could get rid of the screw for him. He was
thrilled. The next day, he took all of his life's savings and
bought a ticket to Nepal
After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant
monastery. The monk knew exactly why he had come. The* *guy was
told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the
following day when he awoke, the screw would have been
removed.. The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep.
During the night, a purple fog floated in an open window. In the
mist floated a solid silver screwdriver. In just moments, the
screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared out the window.
The next morning when the man awoke, he saw the silver screw laying
on the pillow next to him. Reaching
down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there! Jubilant, he
leaped out of bed . . . . And his butt fell off.
The moral is:
'Don't screw around with things you don't understand -- You could
lose your ass.'
its place was a silver screw. All the doctors told his mother that
there was nothing they could do.
Like it or not, he was stuck with it . . . He was screwed.
The growing years were real tough, as all who saw the
screw made fun of him. He avoided leaving his house . . And
thus, never made any friends.
One day, a mysterious stranger saw his belly and told him of a monk
in Tibet who could get rid of the screw for him. He was
thrilled. The next day, he took all of his life's savings and
bought a ticket to Nepal
After several days of climbing up steep cliffs, he came upon a giant
monastery. The monk knew exactly why he had come. The* *guy was
told to sleep in the highest tower of the monastery and the
following day when he awoke, the screw would have been
removed.. The man immediately went to the room and fell asleep.
During the night, a purple fog floated in an open window. In the
mist floated a solid silver screwdriver. In just moments, the
screwdriver removed the screw and disappeared out the window.
The next morning when the man awoke, he saw the silver screw laying
on the pillow next to him. Reaching
down, he felt his navel, and there was no screw there! Jubilant, he
leaped out of bed . . . . And his butt fell off.
The moral is:
'Don't screw around with things you don't understand -- You could
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Old as dirt?
... THOUGHT YOU MIGHT ENJOY THIS ...
'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !
'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.
Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a..m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.
I was 21 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.'
When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
I never had a telephone in my room.
The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend :
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels... [if you were fortunate])
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S& H greenstamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!
I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.
Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends...
.
--------------------------------------------------------------
WinVistaHomePremiumSP2, IE8, Avast5,SpywareBlaster,SuperAntiSpyware,Malwarebytes,SpyBot S&D,WOT,ZA.
'Someone asked the other day, 'What was your favorite fast food when you were growing up?'
'We didn't have fast food when I was growing up,' I informed him.
'All the food was slow.'
'C'mon, seriously. Where did you eat?'
'It was a place called 'at home,'' I explained. !
'Mom cooked every day and when Dad got home from work, we sat down together at the dining room table, and if I didn't like what she put on my plate I was allowed to sit there until I did like it.'
By this time, the kid was laughing so hard I was afraid he was going to suffer serious internal damage, so I didn't tell him the part about how I had to have permission to leave the table.
But here are some other things I would have told him about my childhood if I figured his system could have handled it :
Some parents NEVER owned their own house, never wore Levis, never set foot on a golf course, never traveled out of the country or had a credit card.
In their later years they had something called a revolving charge card. The card was good only at Sears Roebuck. Or maybe it was Sears & Roebuck.
Either way, there is no Roebuck anymore. Maybe he died.
My parents never drove me to soccer practice. This was mostly because we never had heard of soccer. I had a bicycle that weighed probably 50 pounds, and only had one speed, (slow)
We didn't have a television in our house until I was 19.
It was, of course, black and white, and the station went off the air at midnight, after playing the national anthem and a poem about God; it came back on the air at about 6 a..m. and there was usually a locally produced news and farm show on, featuring local people.
I was 21 before I tasted my first pizza, it was called 'pizza pie.'
When I bit into it, I burned the roof of my mouth and the cheese slid off, swung down, plastered itself against my chin and burned that, too. It's still the best pizza I ever had.
I never had a telephone in my room.
The only phone in the house was in the living room and it was on a party line. Before you could dial, you had to listen and make sure some people you didn't know weren't already using the line.
Pizzas were not delivered to our home But milk was.
All newspapers were delivered by boys and all boys delivered newspapers --my brother delivered a newspaper, six days a week. It cost 7 cents a paper, of which he got to keep 2 cents. He had to get up at 6AM every morning.
On Saturday, he had to collect the 42 cents from his customers. His favorite customers were the ones who gave him 50 cents and told him to keep the change. His least favorite customers were the ones who seemed to never be home on collection day.
Movie stars kissed with their mouths shut. At least, they did in the movies. There were no movie ratings because all movies were responsibly produced for everyone to enjoy viewing, without profanity or violence or most anything offensive.
If you grew up in a generation before there was fast food, you may want to share some of these memories with your children or grandchildren Just don't blame me if they bust a gut laughing.
Growing up isn't what it used to be, is it?
MEMORIES from a friend :
My Dad is cleaning out my grandmother's house (she died in December) and he brought me an old Royal Crown Cola bottle. In the bottle top was a stopper with a bunch of holes in it.. I knew immediately what it was, but my daughter had no idea. She thought they had tried to make it a salt shaker or something. I knew it as the bottle that sat on the end of the ironing board to 'sprinkle' clothes with because we didn't have steam irons. Man, I am old.
How many do you remember?
Head lights dimmer switches on the floor.
Ignition switches on the dashboard.
Heaters mounted on the inside of the fire wall.
Real ice boxes.
Pant leg clips for bicycles without chain guards.
Soldering irons you heat on a gas burner.
Using hand signals for cars without turn signals.
Older Than Dirt Quiz :
Count all the ones that you remember not the ones you were told about.
Ratings at the bottom.
1. Blackjack chewing gum
2.Wax Coke-shaped bottles with colored sugar water
3. Candy cigarettes
4. Soda pop machines that dispensed glass bottles
5. Coffee shops or diners with tableside juke boxes
6. Home milk delivery in glass bottles with cardboard stoppers
7. Party lines on the telephone
8 Newsreels before the movie
9. P.F. Flyers
10. Butch wax
11.. TV test patterns that came on at night after the last show and were there until TV shows started again in the morning. (there were only 3 channels... [if you were fortunate])
12. Peashooters
13. Howdy Doody
14. 45 RPM records
15. S& H greenstamps
16. Hi-fi's
17. Metal ice trays with lever
18. Mimeograph paper
19. Blue flashbulb
20. Packards
21. Roller skate keys
22. Cork popguns
23. Drive-ins
24. Studebakers
25. Wash tub wringers
If you remembered 0-5 = You're still young
If you remembered 6-10 = You are getting older
If you remembered 11-15 = Don't tell your age,
If you remembered 16-25 = You' re older than dirt!
I might be older than dirt but those memories are some of the best parts of my life.
Don't forget to pass this along!!
Especially to all your really OLD friends...
--------------------------------------------------------------
WinVistaHomePremiumSP2, IE8, Avast5,SpywareBlaster,SuperAntiSpyware,Malwarebytes,SpyBot S&D,WOT,ZA.
Friday, February 19, 2010
From the mouths of babes....
Wouldn't this be great if it was taught in every school.
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in 20 ways to communicate ideas about God.
Here are some of the results: scroll down.
God is like.
BAYER ASPIRIN
He works miracles.
God is like.
A FORD
He's got a better idea..
God is like.
COKE
He's the real thing.
(This is great)
God is like.
HALLMARK CARDS
He cares enough to send His very best.
God is like.
TIDE
He gets the stains out others leave behind. ..
God is like.
GENERAL ELECTRIC
He brings good things to life.
God is like.
WAL-MART
He has everything.
God is like.
ALKA-SELTZER
Try Him, you'll like Him
God is like.
SCOTCH TAPE
You can't see Him, but you know He's there.
God is like..
DELTA
He's ready when you are.
God is like.
ALLSTATE
You're in good hands with Him.
God is like.
VO-5 Hair Spray ;
He holds through all kinds of weather
God is like.
DIAL SOAP
Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?
(that one is my favorite)
God is like .
The U.S. POST OFFICE
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from
His appointed destination.
God is like.
Chevrolet. . . .the heart beat of America
God is like
Maxwell House. .... .
Good to the very last drop
God is like.
B o u n t y . . . .
He is the quicker picker upper. . Can handle the tough jobs. ..
And He won't fall apart on you
Posted by sunnydaze at 4:24 PM 0 comments Links to this post
A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look at TV commercials and see if they could use them in 20 ways to communicate ideas about God.
Here are some of the results: scroll down.
God is like.
BAYER ASPIRIN
He works miracles.
God is like.
A FORD
He's got a better idea..
God is like.
COKE
He's the real thing.
(This is great)
God is like.
HALLMARK CARDS
He cares enough to send His very best.
God is like.
TIDE
He gets the stains out others leave behind. ..
God is like.
GENERAL ELECTRIC
He brings good things to life.
God is like.
WAL-MART
He has everything.
God is like.
ALKA-SELTZER
Try Him, you'll like Him
God is like.
SCOTCH TAPE
You can't see Him, but you know He's there.
God is like..
DELTA
He's ready when you are.
God is like.
ALLSTATE
You're in good hands with Him.
God is like.
VO-5 Hair Spray ;
He holds through all kinds of weather
God is like.
DIAL SOAP
Aren't you glad you have Him? Don't you wish everybody did?
(that one is my favorite)
God is like .
The U.S. POST OFFICE
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from
His appointed destination.
God is like.
Chevrolet. . . .the heart beat of America
God is like
Maxwell House. .... .
Good to the very last drop
God is like.
B o u n t y . . . .
He is the quicker picker upper. . Can handle the tough jobs. ..
And He won't fall apart on you
Posted by sunnydaze at 4:24 PM 0 comments Links to this post
The Sneeze!! (Let us all sneeze!)
THE SNEEZE
They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the
already crowded auditorium.
With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they
looked almost as grown up as they felt.
Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away
tears.
This class would NOT pray during the commencements ---not by choice,
but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.
The principal and several students were careful to stay within the
guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and
challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one
asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.
The speeches were nice, but they were routine until the final speech
received a standing ovation.
A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and
silent for just a moment, and then it happened.
All 92 students, every single one of them, SNEEZED!!!!
The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said, 'GOD BLESS
YOU'. And he walked off stage.
The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a
unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future with or without the
court's approval.
Isn't this a wonderful story? Pass it on to all your friends and GOD
BLESS YOU!!! This is a true story.
It happened at the University of Maryland
And the Courts didnt even see it coming!
They walked in tandem, each of the ninety-two students filing into the
already crowded auditorium.
With their rich maroon gowns flowing and the traditional caps, they
looked almost as grown up as they felt.
Dads swallowed hard behind broad smiles, and Moms freely brushed away
tears.
This class would NOT pray during the commencements ---not by choice,
but because of a recent court ruling prohibiting it.
The principal and several students were careful to stay within the
guidelines allowed by the ruling. They gave inspirational and
challenging speeches, but no one mentioned divine guidance and no one
asked for blessings on the graduates or their families.
The speeches were nice, but they were routine until the final speech
received a standing ovation.
A solitary student walked proudly to the microphone. He stood still and
silent for just a moment, and then it happened.
All 92 students, every single one of them, SNEEZED!!!!
The student on stage simply looked at the audience and said, 'GOD BLESS
YOU'. And he walked off stage.
The audience exploded into applause. This graduating class had found a
unique way to invoke God's blessing on their future with or without the
court's approval.
Isn't this a wonderful story? Pass it on to all your friends and GOD
BLESS YOU!!! This is a true story.
It happened at the University of Maryland
And the Courts didnt even see it coming!
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